Sir Dicky Strikes Again...

...And this time, he wants your freedom. I've been saying for years that self-proclaimed virgin Richard Branson is a lunatic and a fraud and I think that my assumptions are starting to bear fruit.

Do you, loyal Squizz follower and blog reader, like having the freedom to do whatever you want on the internet whenever you feel like it? Yeah, I like it too.

Too bad that slippery chodeloader wants to crush your god-given right to internet access. See this article, which features a scary quote from one of Dicky's lackys.

Didn't we already have a teaparty to throw these British wankers out of our shores? I think it's time for another one.

A Bright Spot.

Well, after having had my blog hacked in the last 24 hours by who I'm pretty sure was a close friend and business associate of mine, you'd think I'd be nothing but sore. You'd be close.
But the wonderful folks at Dr. Pepper have restored my faith in humanity (well, at least in those who work in our glorious beverage industry). They've announced that they'll give every American a free Dr. Pepper if Axl Rose decides to get off his ass and release his 14-years-in-the-making album, Chinese Democracy, in 2008.

Bravo, gentlemen and women. Now that's what I call a good old fashioned American marketing campaign. You can show Sir Dicky Bunbun where he can stuff his tanks and pennies.

You'd better do better than that.

I don't know who you are, but whoever it is who hacked into my blog and put up that bullcrap (see last post... i definitely did NOT write that) is going to get what you deserve, just you wait.

I'm checking my site's logs and I'm gonna find you sooner or later. And you know what? I'm not even going to take down your post. Cause I ain't got nothing to hide.

Unlike you.

But I'll find you soon.

Guilty Party

This has been weighing on me for a long time. Squizz is not my own formula! I stole it. I'm not prepared to say from who, but I will tell you that I'm a hack. I've never had a good drink idea in my life. All of my inventions are shams. And I feel there's no better place to admit this than right out in public.

I'm no smarter than this guy:

Get ready for your first taste of Squizz!

Well, hello there, friends. After a journey of epic proportions, I'm finally ready to give the American public (at least a small proportion of it anyway) its first glimpse of Squizz. We're going to be taking the drink on the road for the first time, most likely beginning in NYC, then touring a few colleges on the east coast, then making our way west (where we'll definitely hit my alma mater!)

So get ready. We're still locking in our dates, but my guess is the first showing will be the week after next, around March 26 or 27.

Oh, and if you happen to be in the market for some high-end distilling gear, drop me a line, will ya?!

Maybe I'm getting old?

Maybe it's the stress of the past year catching up with me, but I'm having one of those mornings in which I can't help but wonder if I'm experiencing an early onset of senility.

Jesus, first I spent a good half hour rummaging around my apartment looking for my keys, only to find them by accident in the container in which I keep sugar for coffee and baking (yes, I am a batchelor who isn't afraid to admit he likes to bake). No idea how I did that, but it's disgusting.

Then I lose my prized Blackberry Pearl. No idea where it is, probably in my trash can, thrown there by accident. Maybe it's time for an iPhone?

On top of all that, I try to log into my friggin' e-mail this morning (which is normally an automatic process, but I guess this time by stupid dell erased my history... bastards) and can't remember my stupid password. Jesus, since when did Google recognize case sensitivity? I guess I've always been a stickler for capitalizing words, ever since Miss Grossman rapped my knuckles with her ruler in 1st grade.

whatever.

Slurm Lives!

Like the rest of the sane world, I'm a huge fan of Futurama.

Though as an entrepreneur, I can't say it doesn't make me a little nervous to see this announcement: apparently, we're all going to have a chance to try Slurm in the near future.

In addition to the fact that Slurm sounds a lot like Squizz (which is going to launch any day now... stay tuned for a big announcement!), which might cause confusion, I sent a sample of my drink (on the recommendation of my so-called PR agency) to Futurama co-creator David X. Cohen some eight months ago... and never heard back.

Look, I've been told that i can get a little paranoid from time to time, but it does seem a little weird to me, the timing of all this. Eh, but what are you going to do? I"m sure it's just a weird coincidence...

Blast Off! (Rip Off?)

Amazing how the world works in tandem sometimes.  You think about an old movie, and there it is on television the next day.  I came across this website by chance earlier this morning, the day after thinking of my old friend Dr. Woolf.  The product is called "Blast-Cap Technology", and is another attempt at an "interactive" beverage.  

Now, granted, two people can have the same type of idea at the same time, but I really hope these guys aren't trying to poach Ipifini's rather unique product.  

I'm sure it's a pure coincidence, but if you guys at Blast-Cap are reading, don't be to quick to sell to Coca-Cola.  Protect yourselves, and stay true to this interesting concept. 

Magnetic Kid. Film at 11.

The one thing that sucks about the Internet is it makes news of the bizarre... well, normal. There's so much crackass stuff out there that it makes even the unthinkable pretty boring.

That's why it was nice to see the story of Joe Falciatano III, a mild-mannered 12-year old who has apparently become magnetic, disrupting prtety much every computer he comes into contact with. (You can see the video here.)

Man, I'd love to have that power. Fluoridization, anyone?

Great Idea! (Bad Result)

Here's an amazing idea that never came about.  A company called Ipifini, (in the interest of full disclosure, run by an associate of mine, PH.D Tod Woolf) envisioned a return to the customizable soda of day's past.  Buttons on the side of the bottle could be triggered to inject various flavors into the soda water, thereby allowing the user to truly define their own taste experience.  Lime-Ricky?  Cherry-Lemon Bomb?  Rasperry Jim-Jim?  Whatever your nostalgic taste might be, it could be recreated on the go.

The entire sales presentation (subsequently snapped up by a tiny company you've never heard of: "Coca-Cola" ;-)) can be viewed here.  Millons were payed, hands were shook, backs patted.  

No product was released.  Ever.  Will it be?  Some day?  No.

Why?  Again, legally I can't say.  What I can say is that Dr. Woolf never saw any of that money, his business (and life) partner Mark Van Nuysen now lives here, and Coca-Cola Co. continues its campaign of terror.  

Make no mistake about it, capitalism is a rough business.  Guard your ideas, keep your head firmly on your shoulders, and when someone pats you on the back, make sure they haven't inserted a knife. 

Just lost my appetite.

And not just because of this (though that does really make me sick)!

One of my favorite foodie blogs, Slashfood, just showed me a new site called TrashyEats and, man, do they show off some nasty stuff to eat.

Who in god's name would create such a thing? Actually, I do kinda like Frito Pie.

Shame on you, Engadget!

Look, I'm as bad as anybody when it comes to giving someone a rightfully deserved kick in the ass.

But when Engadget decided to tear the Neux Corp a new one earlier this week for its soda can MP4 player, they definitely overstepped their boundaries.

Look, I haven't used the thing, I don't know much about the technology in it, I don't even think it's something I would buy necessarily but that's beyond the point, why would you criticize someone for tyring to come up with a new (admittedly kind of strange) vision of the classic music player?

I mean, jesus, someone tries to do something different and all you can do is throw unadulturated cynicism at it?

Sure, it is a stupid idea, but let the dreamers be. I don't know these Neux Corp. guys, but I'll say this, they're trying something new. What have you done lately, Engadget? Oh, that's right, you squeezed one out over the most disgusting looking box I've seen since the VHS recorder.

Got this blogging thing all wrong...

Looking around the internet, it seems that the 'best' bloggers or whatever you want to call them share every last detail about themselves, personally or professionally.

I guess I'm kind of the opposite. I've had a lot of personal and professional stuff go down in recent months but have gone completely dark on my blog. Probably why my site stats are terrrible.

It's funny, I've writtena boatload of drafts over the last few months, but every time I've looked at this site I haven't been able to complete anything. I don't know if it's because everything I've tried to communicate felt too painfully personal or whatever given all that's been going on (not to mention it probably isn't a good idea to air legal laundry in public), but I just didn't feel comfortable putting anything out there.

But I'm here today to tell you, my fellow Squizzies, that I'm back. (Yeah, I know I said that in the last couple of posts, but I mean it this time.)

Now, I could say that I'm going to be posting a lot more frequently, etc., etc., and leave at that.

I'm actually going to do you one better.

In the next couple of weeks, for those of you in New York, get ready for your first taste of the new Squizz. Later.