One of These Men Is a Total Fucking Ass.

Take a look at these men. They are both incredibly wealthy. They are both members of the corporate elite. Are they both arrogant? Probably. Are they both silly little pee-bags who are in love with themselves and their hopelessly outdated frostylocks haircut? No, only one of them is. The other is actually doing something with his life. He has single handedly brought New York City back into the black after the hardest decade of its existence. He charges the city a dollar a year as a salary, and has declared war on the cigarette industry. He is the most exciting political force around today. He is Michael Bloomberg, a billionaire who actually contributes to the world, not just his glamrock hairstylist.

While Sir Dicky Bunbun awards the X-Prize to the person who can create the most innovative blond highlights, Bloomberg is fixing the school system. He is ramping up city-wide recycling, and launching work on the 2nd Avenue subway. He is waiting, silently, patiently, to sweep America off of its feet as the most terrifyingly competent and powerful independent candidate in modern American history. Look at this man, Sir Dick (bag), and take notes. This is what people with enormous potential look like. They have regular hair, you know, like the little people. They wear understated blue suits. And they actually do something to make this world a better place.

If you haven't realized it, I am wholeheartedly endorsing Bloomberg as our next president. If anyone from his office reads this blog, I am at your service, anytime, free of charge. BLOOMBERG '08, Y'ALL!